upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
