last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
