you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
