dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
