and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to make out with him forever
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
