Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
