turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize