He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
