There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
