the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
