My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
