I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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