Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
