I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
