woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
