Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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