Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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