I looked at my own cervix.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
