I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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