Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
