see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
