So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
