cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
