I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So many bounce houses so little time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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