Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
