You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
