help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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