I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
