i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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