based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is the prime rib incident all over again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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