Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
