and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
