Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
