She is in my trunk
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
