woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
