I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
