Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
