WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
