I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
