im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Green mimosas i think yes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
