The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
