It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
