North Korea, Best Korea!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
