he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
