Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
