When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
