it hurts more in the daytime
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think people are normalizing furries
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