I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
