I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
