Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
