I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
