So drunk its hurt
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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