Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
